Loving God . . . Loving People

He's the Only Hope

2011-09-23T12:46:00.000-07:00

It's funny I just started thinking about this blog of mine again. It's been almost exactly a year since I last posted. It's been amazing what God has done in that year. God did provide the jobs and even a place to live for us in the Dallas area. It has been an amazing testimony to His mercy and provision for our life. The church has been going well, and we've gotten to see families and people grow in the Lord, and several get saved, and baptized.

Recently, actually almost a month ago now, my hubby lost his job at the bank he had been working at. Even through that we've gotten to experience God at work, and so far we're doing okay. Right now, we're just seeking out where God may lead next, and what door He will open.

I heard a song on the radio one morning, more specifically right around the time when we were sure Patrick was about to lose his job. It was the Fee song "Everything Falls" and I put part of the lyrics below. They are a great reminder of these words spoken by Christ: "In this world, you will have trouble, but take heart for I have overcome the world" John 16:33 No matter what is going on, God is completely in control, He is still on the throne, and He will provide if you just hold on to Him.

You said
You'd never leave or forsake me
When you said
This life is gonna shake me
You said
This world is gonna bring trouble on my soul
This I know

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You´re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong
You keep holding on
You keep holding on

How Great is Our God!

2010-09-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

I was looking over my facebook page and saw the link to my blog and realized that I hadn't posted anything in two years. It was so amazing looking back at my old posts how so many of the things I had prayed and written about have come to be in my life.

I am now married, and living an amazing adventure with my husband seeking God and His will.

Here is something I once wrote in a blog: I know the thing to do is to let God continue to make me into the woman that God has designed me to be, and that my husband needs me to be. I know too that I must seek God first. The scripture does say after all to "seek God first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

That really stood out to me, because the verse of scripture I mentioned is the verse that my husband and I kept coming back to in seeing God's hand in bringing us together.

It's amazing how faithful God is to his word.

Right now, my husband and I are preparing for the next chapter in this adventure of life, planting a church. We're seeking out jobs, housing, and the resources to make the move to the Dallas area. Looking back over the faithfulness of our God I have no doubt that He has everything figured out.

Still Standing

2008-09-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

So, in this time of what seems like great uncertainty, though nothing is truly certain other than God and His promises, I am finding a great strength and peace that I believe can only come from God.

You see there are two things that I desire more than anything, and despite my waiting, and some seeking they seem to be the most impossible things to attain. One is a position in full time youth ministry, and the other is a Godly man to share this crazy adventure called life with. For the churches it seems I don't have enough experience. I could just sit and feel sorry for myself maybe even find a few others to pity me, but that would simply be giving in to what the rest of the world seems to think. However, I'm choosing to rely on Christ. I'm holding on to the hope that he has a plan and a future for my life. That even when the world seems like it's falling out from under me, I'll be found in Him, still standing.

Luggage

2008-09-22T21:16:00.000-07:00

Wow, so tonight I heard a message that spoke right to my current situation. It was as if God truly had me at that place right at that time for a reason. The message was on luggage those things we carry with us whether they are hurtful words, wounds from past relationships, being surrounded even currently with negative people, unforgiveness, or just any of the other junk of life that can throw our way. The speaker talked about how those things can keep us from truly experiencing all that God has for us and the life he desires for us to live.

I know in my life I've have had a battle with some negative words at time from someone very close to me. This has many times left me feeling defeated. Then I've had many not so great relationships both friendships and in dating. Then there are the countless times I've gone on interviews and sent out resumes to churches as I've sought out pursuing my call to ministry to have it lead no where. I'll be the first to admit that lately the weight of all these has seemed to be piling up. However, the words spoken tonight helped breathe God's truth into my life right when it was what I needed.

The truth is we all have our own junk or luggage either of things in the past or things that are currently going on. However, the greater truth is that there is a God who sees all that is going on in our lives and genuinely cares. He has a plan for us that is to prosper and not to harm us. So often it's hard to truly believe that when things are happening that we simply can't understand.

The past actions or things done by others, or things that have happened don't have to define our future. God has a plan, and has given each of us dreams that often this world tries to drown out. Too often we try to keep control over those things and try to somehow maneuver things and use our own ability to make things happen. We must turn those hopes and dreams over to him along with our baggage. This takes complete surrender, and trusting in God to be our shield, our defender, and our provider.

Patriot Day

2008-09-06T11:26:00.000-07:00

So, on KSBJ they were talking about the anniversary of 9/11 coming up that has now been called Patriot Day. They were asking people to remember those that have given up their lives for our country. However, lately I've been thinking about how as disciples of Christ we are part of a greater nation, the kingdom of God. It is serving God, and following Christ that should demand our greatest allegiance. Just like this country, the kingdom of God has been built up by people who have given their lives for what they believe in. When you look at the early church they faced such persecution and hardships that for many ended in death.

So, this coming 9/11 I chose to turn my attention to remembering not only the One who gave His life so I can live, but to all those that have followed Christ before me and suffered for the cause of Christ so that I too might come to know Christ and believe. Not only should it serve as a reminder, but I pray for a renewed sense of calling to show Christ's love in this world no matter the cost.

Right now all over the world there are citizens of Christ's kingdom in countries where they are being persecuted, sought out, and killed. However, in the face of such challenges, they are continuing to grow and press forward. We all ought to catch hold of that spirit!!!

To follow Christ is to live a life that is counter that of the world. It is a call to stop calling your own plays, to love generously, to forgive, and to serve one another with compassion. It isn't easy, and it commands that all of us become patriots.

So, on Patriot Day, and even right now, I invite you to ask yourself where your allegiance is directed and believe me I will be doing the same.

Joyful in Hope

2008-05-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

So, it's been awhile since I've written. A bunch has happened in the past couple of months, and God has definitely been at work. I'm not necessarily where I thought I'd be, but my life is amazingly great. After several months of waiting, searching, and interviewing for youth ministry positions I feel I've found where I'm meant to be. The most surprising thing of it all was that it was right in front of me the whole time. In my Sunday morning small group we've been going through the book of Acts and talking about the early church. The early church leaders were filled with an urgency and passion to tell people about Christ, and they didn't merely wait for opportunities, they seized the moments they were in and made things happen. It occurred to me that in my waiting I wasn't using my gifts and not using the precious time God has given to me. Then the question occurred to me, why wasn't I helping out with my church's youth? I mean I clearly know that is an area I'm called to, and I'm passionate about. I wasn't really doing anything except merely talking with church after church about my vision and passion for youth, while essentially doing nothing . So, I started to seek out getting involved with the students at my church, and while it's as a volunteer, I can't help but feel it's where God wants me. I'm actually working at another law firm, and while there is the hope of doing youth ministry someday full-time, I feel so blessed to be apart of all that is going on at my church. I just started helping with the MS students. There are soooo many of them, and it's exciting!!! I'm currently just learning to trust God, and be content. He knows my heart, the dreams I have, the visions He has given me, and I'm learning to be "joyful in hope".

Is Hurting and Feeling Silly

2008-03-10T15:11:00.000-07:00

So, you can pretty much disregard my last post. I was under the impression that the offer at Beeville was a certain offer. I guess it was a hypothetical when they said the job was mine I just had to accept the offer. The lady I told that I would accept the offer on Friday, called today to say that apparently the director had scheduled some interviews with other people and they wanted to go ahead and meet with them. So, I don't have the job just yet, if at all. At this point nothing is certain. It's all in God's hands. Of course, that leaves me a bit uncertain on what to do. I know the thing to do is to keep seeking God and pray, but beyond that I don't have a clue. I can't help but feel a bit hurt by everything though, I mean all this weekend I went around telling people I had a job at the children's home. I'm going to feel a bit foolish going back to all those people and say that I may not be after all. It reminds me of when I went to Hawaii and spent the week telling those in our tour group about my fiance, and being engaged, and then the day I got back he broke up with me. I felt kind of foolish then like I do now. I know God has a plan, he always does, perhaps I wasn't meant to be there and something else will come up, or perhaps I am and all of this hurt will be for nothing other than seeing how I respond. Oh well, I've told Jesus, and he'll figure it out!

The Next Step on the Journey . . .

2008-03-07T21:32:00.001-08:00

So, after much prayer and searching everywhere for where God might be sending me next, I'm reminded of something that I prayed at the beginning of the search for the next step. I prayed God would open the door clearly where He wanted me. My heart is to just serve Him and share His love mostly with youth and kids, and at some point focus more on counseling families. Of course there is also this passion to help in some of the things that I've seen in the church that have bothered me for years. It looks like for now God is sending me after my first passion, and I will get the extreme privilege of serving Him by loving on some kids in Texas who are in desperate need of His love at the South Texas Children's Home. I get to serve as a caseworker to help kids that we accept into the home with the transition into the home and then watch over them for their time in the home. I won't be too far from Houston, so I can still come home some weekends which is one thing that will be nice. While this is different from where I thought I might originally end up, I am certain God will do amazing things in my life during my time there, and hopefully in the kids I get to reach out to. I ask that you would please start praying now for the kids and families God will bring into my path on my case load. I hope to perhaps start writing some of the things God has been putting on my heart as well during this time. I know this is just another step in the journey God has me on as I seek to live for Him and love His people. There is a song lately that has been my heart's song by Matthew West "You Are Everything".

Here's just the chorus but the whole song is great, Jesus truly is everything that I live for and I just have to trust Him. Without Him in my life I truly wouldn't have gotten this far and I know that the Lord has a great plan for me.

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
'Cause You
are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart

Not Settling . . . Seeking God's Best

2008-02-19T14:43:00.000-08:00

So, I've been interviewing like crazy, and trying desperately to stay open to wherever God may want me. I have recently interviewed in Houston, Austin, Webster, Humble, Dickinson, Seguin, Boerne, Winston-Salem, NC, Beeville, TX, and I'm about to head to Wylie tomorrow. I've interviewed for Children's homes, homeless women's shelters, law firms, and churches. In all this I'm trying to seek what God wants, and not what I want. Sometimes that is such a fine line. However, if my passion is Him one would think the passions I have would be in line with His. I guess I just have to trust that, and let that be my guide. Right now my heart is saying I need to stay in the Houston or the surrounding area. However, I struggle with that since the only thing that is a sure bet at this point is a job in Beeville. I know they want someone out there that would like to stay for awhile, and I'm not certain that is me. My passion is to be back in youth ministry, and to get to do that full time like I did in Midland. Midland had its challenges since I was away from friends and family, but I was getting to share my faith and provide programming, and building relationships with youth in ways that I've always longed to. While I know I'd make an excellent case worker, and that it includes good benefits, and is really a good deal, I don't know if it's exactly where I need to be. A friend recently reminded me about not settling, and I'm determined to take his advice. I mean it's a great opportunity, but I have the overwhelming feeling that God has something more. I think I just need to let Him work. I mean after all, most of the time all this interview process stuff can take awhile. I don't want to rush God, or just take an offer because it's the only one I can see at the moment. If you're reading this please pray for me in all of this. Thank you so much!!

Passion and then some . . .

2008-02-18T18:32:00.000-08:00

I just started reading Uprising by Erwin McManus and felt the need to write about passion. He hit on a bunch of things that I have at some point talked about or at least thought of. It has long been witnessed in my life that so many people live without passion. So many people are just merely existing, just trying to get by from one day to the next. God desires so much more of us than to simply exist, He has come that we might have life and that it would be one that is abundant!!! Life as McManus puts it is supposed to be an "adventure, a journey, a trek filled with uncertainty, excitement, and risk". Where is the excitement and adventure in just existing? We are called to live!! We are created for passion! Instead, "we've made acting like an adult synonymous with living apathetic lives"!! I get so frustrated at times sharing the things I'm passionate about and then people just going "that's nice". I think we fear passion in our culture, because it may require some sort of transformation or to move in a different direction. As Christians, we are called to be a little counter-cultural any ways. Not in the sense that we are to attack the culture we're in (which is too often the response of Christians), but instead radically seek to understand it with Christ's love as the model (remember Christ didn't come to condemn the world, but to save it, He did this through LOVE!!). I think other than the ultimate display of passion of Christ on the cross, the most beautiful display of passion is in watching a child explore their world. They are so fascinated and try to take all of it in. I believe it is why it says that to "enter His kingdom we must come as little children". We are to be passionate, full of awe, and wonder!! Each day is a gift from God, and holds with it endless possibilities. It is in that we can not only find passion, but freedom. The freedom I'm talking about is one that only God can give. It is a freedom that comes from from a life lived passionately in Him. We are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds!! To live with passion we must be constantly being renewed!! I hope to never to the point where I lose my awe and wonder for God, and for the life He has for me. I pray that if you're reading this you would come desire that passion in your own life. Remember to make the most of each day!! Love without limit, forgive, be merciful, be generous, be compassionate, take risks, sacrifice, enjoy yourself, and surely you will live!!!

Hope

2008-02-09T13:50:00.000-08:00

So, right now I'm about to graduate from college. I've grown and been stretched so much in these 7 years that I can say in all certainty I'm not at all the girl I was when I first started. In fact I'm not a girl at all, but a woman. Right now I am anxiously awaiting the next step on the journey, not certain what it will bring, but knowing I can trust in the God who has been guiding me all along the way. It's not an easy thing to do, to wait, and to have hope, but it's something I know must be done. The scriptures say that hope doesn't disappoint. While there are many things that I hope for the greatest is to be in the center of God's will for my life. I just have to believe that God will address my deep desires of being a wife and someday a mom, but he will do so in His good a perfect timing. I must enjoy the beauty and the opportunities in whatever season of life I find myself in and not try to somehow rush God. I know the pain of running ahead of Him all too well. So, I journey on with hope, as I allow God to unfold the mysteries of the life He has for me in His timing. Where will it lead me? Only he knows . . .

Hurt and Hope

2007-12-15T20:08:00.000-08:00

Have you ever hurt so much so deep down all you can do is cry? The very thing that brought you joy at one time can sometimes be the source of this immense pain. People you thought were going to be permanent fixtures in your life can disappear in the blink of an eye. Even people who once encouraged you in life and ministry. Sometimes all that remains is who you thought they were, and it's as if the person you knew has gone MIA, and the remainder is a complete stranger. The person who once looked out for you, the person who at one time got down on one knee and asked you to marry him, the guy who you had the most amazing time with and who for the first time in a long time you felt you could trust, vanished and there's nothing you can do. The remains are nothing more than hollow reminders of people you once knew.

The more I live the more I learn how precious and fragile life is. How do any of us know who to trust? The crazy thing of it all is that for some reason we hold out hope, and we press on. I'm a true believer that each day is a gift from above. So, I have made the choice to continue to live, and to love. After all the things that seem to break us only can serve to make us stronger in the hands of an awesome and mighty God.

I think the thing that hurts the most is that many of the people that have hurt me most are people who I wouldn't expect it from. I mean I know no one is perfect, but I would hope to find something at least a little bit different from people who proclaim to be following Christ. In fact, when I consider the people who have hurt me most, nearly all of them are those who supposedly my brothers and sisters in Christ. Christ said that they will know we are Christians by our love. However, sometimes we are so unloving toward each other. We may be loving toward the group of Christians we are closet to, but many times we don't regard all Christians the same. We pick and choose who should count in our lives. Sometimes we love the homeless person we're in ministry to, or the other person we are helping even more than we love the Christian we sit to nearly every Sunday at church. The places I've expected to feel that Christian unity and have craved it such as my Christian university, and even my Christian sorority I have found Christ's love most devoid at. Why is that??? I spent years thinking perhaps there was something wrong with me, maybe I didn't try hard enough, or didn't know how to please them enough to make them like me. Why do we feel like we have to work so hard to appease the very people who should love us no matter what??? I'm tired of being silent!!! In high school it was the Christian Fellowship group with their fake smiles who seemingly have everything going for them. Honestly it's by the very grace of God I'm even a Christian today. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm just stating what I've experienced, and how I've felt most of my life. I'm sure I've added to this at some point in my life. I'm just saying as those who profess to know Christ we really need to strive to be a better model of his love! This world needs it! We need to learn to love each other, not just those we are to be in ministry to. The Christian life is not an easy one, and Jesus himself prayed for our unity as his followers. Well, that's the end of my rant, just something that has been inside of me for about a decade now.

Jesus Bring The Rain!!

2007-09-08T07:25:00.000-07:00

So, it's an interesting time in my life right now. I'm living alone for the first time ever, and while some days it's a struggle, most days I find it to be sort of a blessing. I'm learning the beauty of growing closer to God. Although, in the midst of that there are definitely moments when I feel the reality of spiritual warfare. For instance, I really feel called to serve in this one church, however there are so many reasons that it would be easier to just walk away and not go and serve there. I ultimately know though that it would make me disobedient to God. So, it's either walk with God and just endure this momentary pain, or run the other way and feel even greater pain. When faced with difficulties it is so easy to want to go the other way and take the path of least resistance. I'm also having to wait until I can sing with the praise team there after having experienced the joy of being apart of the team last Sunday, which I can understand, but it still hurts somewhat. I'm trying my hardest, totally relying on God, to not let this stuff going on distract from school which is my normal habit. So, my response to it all is to hold on to Christ. He has proved himself to be so faithful over the years, and I know I can trust in Him.

Verses that I have been holding on to now(one of my friends told me to read James, and so most of it is from there):
"2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." James 4:7-10

"10Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. 11As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." James 5:10-11

"1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

And as always I have a song, hehe:

Bring the Rain- Mercy Me

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that
I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may
loom above because you are much greater than
my pain you who made a way for me suffering
your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
is the lord God almighty
is the lord God almighty
I'm forever singing

Memories

2007-09-04T16:06:00.000-07:00

Memories are funny things. They can bring you joy and then without warning one memory can bring you searing pain. No matter how you try to forget some things they can come to mind and often when you least expect it. Things that happened years ago can feel like they just happened the other day. It's funny too how memories which once brought you joy can later bring pain. Lately I've been wishing I could escape my own mind. School just started and on the first day back I found myself unexpectantly faced with past memories. It's times like this that all I know to do is to go deeper into God's arms. While I wish He could just carry me far away in those arms, I know I must simply walk with Him through this time knowing that ultimately He has a plan, and He has already made a way for me.

Salvation Is Here

God above all the world in motion
God above all my hopes and fears
And I don't care what the world throws at me now
I'm gonna be alright
Hear the sound of the generations
Making loud our freedom song
All in all that the world would know Your name
It's gonna be alright
Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here
Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me

Just to know you and be loved is ENOUGH!!

2007-09-01T20:04:00.000-07:00

I love the latest song that is playing by Robbie Seay, Song of Hope. I've been finding myself randomly singing it ever since I first started hearing it on KSBJ. Part of the lyrics really stood out to me today when I heard it, and I couldn't help but reflect on the beauty of contentment. The lines that say "Just to know that You are near is enough" and "just to know You and be loved is enough"are the ones I'm speaking about. More and more each day I am learning to find contentment in just knowing that God is near, and that He is radically and passionately in love with me. It isn't always an easy thing to remember in a culture that is always longing for more. While we must have vision and dreams ("Where there is no vision the people perish" Prov. 29:18), we must also learn to appreciate the things that are right in front of us. When things are uncomfortable or get tough the tendency is to want to rush through them or find a way out. Although it is often in those times that God is trying to mold and to fashion us to even more of His likeness. The scriptures says that God longs for us to be complete, lacking in nothing. In order to reach true completeness we must first realize that there is nothing greater than truly knowing God and realizing that every good and perfect thing comes from Him.

"I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."
Philippians 3:7-9

As a woman who has had her share of losses in life, without a doubt I can say that all I have gained in Christ and knowing Him is far greater. So, I choose to live with hope knowing that my God is near, and that to know Him and His love is by far enough!

By Faith . . .

2007-08-31T04:45:00.000-07:00

Faith . . . most of us have read "it is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see". Most of the time it's not the being sure of what we hope for that we have as much of an issue with. We tend to know what it is we desire, and most of us have our hopes and dreams. Problems arise when we can't see those hopes and dreams ever coming true. So how does one have certainty about the things they can't see? I looked up faith in Webster's and the definition that stood out the most to me was complete trust. I believe that it is complete trust in our completely faithful God that leads to faith.

Of course complete trust is much easier said than done. In order to fully show our trust in Him we must be willing daily to surrender to Him. By surrender I mean give Him every aspect of our lives. It's so easy to want to hold on to things such as fear, past hurt, bad habits, and the illusion of control. Many times we make decisions and just hope God will bless it later instead of allowing Him to show us where to step. Other times we fail to see that God is working in the moment we are in and instead we run the other way in fear. God doesn't want us to run ahead, and he doesn't want us to run away. He wants us to run with our eyes on the prize, and here I don't mean the one at the end of our life, I mean the prize of a life lived in step with our wonderful creator!! That is the abundant life He longs for His children to have.

Jeremy Camp- Walk By Faith

Will I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to RID my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

Lord, please forgive me for the times I've run ahead of your plan. Also, please forgive me for when I've failed to see your blessings right in front of me. Lord, help me to daily surrender all of me to you, all my heart, soul, and mind. I know you are preparing a great plan for me one to prosper me, not harm me, and one to give me hope and a future! I pray that I can learn to walk in step with you, and to place my complete trust in you, for I know that you are so faithful. Amen.

Faithful . . .

2007-08-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

So, I was reading my old xanga posts, and all I have to say is they are a beautiful chronicle of God's continued faithfulness. I mean I think about where I've been and what he has helped me to overcome. I am AMAZED!!

I wrote this 3 years ago, and it's still true today:

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is so completely faithful to his promises. Somehow he is working for my good as he is for all who love him and are called according to His purpose. The beauty of God's plan is watching it unfold in your life. Never knowing what lies around the bend, but knowing that he is with you each step of the way.

I also wrote this prayer, and it too is still my heart.

I fall to my knees, in awe of your loving kindness.
That you would dare think of me, and run to my side.
Before I say your name, your beautiful and majestic name.
Lord, you are there.
I can tell you I love you, but that seems not enough
For you give so much, and yet require so little
No other in heaven or on earth can compare
The love you give is better than life
The love I have for you is a deeply burning passion
It began when I was young
As you constantly mold and make me day by day
It continues to grow, invading all of me.
Thank you for all you've done, and are going to do.
Thank you for all you are doing which has yet to be revealed.
Thank you for believing in me, when I lose all hope.
Thank you for being there, when I feel alone.
Thank you for being strong when I am weak.
Thank you Lord.

Love, Kari

Seeking . . .

2007-08-23T22:53:00.000-07:00

So I know I wrote a post before about seeking God, but I have even more on the topic, and from a look into the scripture I've realized it is mentioned over 100 times about seeking!

My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek. Psalm 27:8

But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. Deut 4:29

"First seek the counsel of the LORD." 1 Kings 22:5

The LORD is with you when you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you
2 Chron. 15:2

The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
Psalm 34:10

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Psalm 63:1

We are to seek Him in all things so he can give us guidance, counsel, strength, comfort, joy, and so that he can dwell in us! I'm learning more and more the power that comes from truly seeking after God. How as you seek Him your view of things can change, and how when you begin to seek Him with all your heart and soul how you can truly feel Him near you. Maybe you are trying to make sense of what's going on in your current situation, and perhaps like so many of us at times you're beginning to lose hope. One of my friends has been calling me a bunch recently seeking encouragement, and seeking out how to have a better attitude about things currently going on. It occurred to me the other day that the simple fact that she was seeking good things is exactly what God wants. He desires for us to seek Him. He is right there near us, but until we seek Him will all our heart we can't truly experience all that he has for us!

6From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 28'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.' " Acts 17:26-28

Not only are we to seek Him with all our hearts we are to seek after His righteousness, humility, justice, peace, and seek after the good of others.

Dear Lord,
Please help me to seek you in everything at all times. Forgive me for those times when I fail to seek you and instead go my own way. Lord thank you so much that I can trust you when you say that when I seek you I will find you! Lord, place in me the desire to thirst after you, and to seek you with all of my heart. Amen

Everything Is Beautiful

2007-08-20T19:22:00.000-07:00

So, today was a hard day. Actually, it all began last night. I had such an amazing day at church yesterday. I've been questioning whether or not I should be attending the church I have for the past month now. I really want to be where God wants me. However, I keep feeling called to go there. Last week one member of the praise team mentioned how it was nice to see me worshiping and that she would see me next week. Well, this week there was a lady there who I had sang with in a group at a women's ministry event awhile back. She I found is also over the prayer ministry, and knowing me she aimed at including me. One guy there also told me how great my presence was there and that if I ever needed prayer I could find it there. Until I started going there I had struggled so much on Sundays never knowing where I wanted to go to church, not feeling like I truly belonged at the ones I did go to, and really didn't see that changing.

So, what's the hard part? Well, the friend of mine who I found out about the church from since they actually work there recently deleted me and blocked me from all their things online. I fear they may think I've been going to the church for them. However, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm simply there to worship God. I'm actually excited about Sunday now, I love the people of the church, the concept of the church, and the spirit of the church. It hurts me that anyone may venture to say that I'm there for any other purpose than to worship and praise my God with other like minded people. Of course, I don't know if that's why they deleted me, but they aren't saying. That hurts too.

The good part is I am in love with an AWESOME God, who loves me, and knows me. He knows my heart, and my true intentions. He has everything in His hands, and that's a great place for it all to be. That even in everything that I don't understand, and that is painful He is there, and EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL!!! His love changes everything!!

But love it washes over
Love it pulls me closer
Love it changes everthing

Everything is beautiful
Even when the tears are falling
I don't need a miracle to believe
Even in the crashing down
I can hear redemtion calling
And everything is beautiful to me

Lily Among Thorns

2007-08-17T10:59:00.000-07:00

So, God has begun a process in me. It started back a little over a month ago now, but at the time I didn't have as clear of a view of what he was doing, all I knew was that I wanted more of Him. God has been purifying me. You see His desire is to take the rags that used to be our life, and to cleanse us so we gleam with lily-whiteness. He wants to take the past hurts, the fears, the moments of disobedience, sinful thoughts/actions, and to put in their place His peace, comfort, joy, heart, mind, and soul. In realizing this I have found the true greatest love of all, and unlike a popular song it's not in learning to love yourself. The greatest love of all is found in our savior Jesus Christ. It is only in drawing near to Him and experiencing His eternal love that we can even possibly have any clue how to have earthly love. No one can love like Christ can, and no one can fulfill all the deepest desires of your heart like Christ can. Fall in love with Him first and foremost, and you will gleam with lily-whiteness among the thorns.

Purest Place- Watermark

Paint me with Your purity
That I'd attract Your majesty
When others boast in fame and gold
The purest place is where I'll go

Chorus:
The purest place I will draw near
Do what it takes to keep me here
In the center of Your heart
The purest place is where You are

It's not with masses, not with kings
Not in these songs, or offerings
Not in this life, or what it brings
The purest place is You my King

Chorus

Bridge:
If there's such thing as too beautiful
If there's such things as too wonderful
If there's such thing as too marvelous
Jesus it's You, Jesus it's You

Chorus

It's You my King,
It's You my King
The purest place, is You my King

2007-08-10T06:18:00.000-07:00

I fully know that it is Christ that makes me whole and complete. I don't need someone else to do that. However, I can't help but thinking of sharing a life with my future husband whoever he may be. My best friend in the world is getting married in just a couple months, and while I'm so excited that she has met the man for her I keep wondering when that will happen for me. I so long to be a wife, mom, and partner in ministry with the man God has for me. I've started writing him in my journal as silly as that may sound, and praying for him.

Once upon a time, I thought I'd found him. I watched a guy with teary eyes get down on one knee and ask me to be his wife. However, without warning that fell apart, and so did I for awhile. I've had a few relationships since, but nothing lasting and most of those ended with the guy doing something, and me getting hurt. The funny thing is even though I was the one that ended up hurt in them I'm still friends with most of those guys. Mostly because they realized they hurt me and that I was great to them and apologized. Is this just going to be the pattern???

I did go on a date recently that was to put it very simply amazing. So amazing that I got a little overexcited. I hadn't felt anything like that in awhile, and didn't know I could feel that much. However, in my excitement I think I ruined any chances that might have been there.

I know the thing to do is to let God continue to make me into the woman that God has designed me to be, and that my husband needs me to be. I know too that I must seek God first. The scripture does say after all to "seek God first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

To my future husband: Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that God finds a way to bring us together and soon. I can hardly wait to serve God and His people alongside of you, and to go wherever He may call us. I can hardly wait to have a family with you. My desire is to bring you good and not harm all the days that we get to spend on earth together. Amen.

More of Thee

2007-08-09T15:02:00.000-07:00

So, God has really been working on me for the past month. More than ever I want more of God. It is in Him where I am made whole. He takes the broken fragments of our lives and puts them together. In the scripture it says that whoever the Son sets free he is free indeed. God is slowly showing me the great freedom He longs for me to have in Him. Freedom from worry, freedom to move on from a hurtful past, freedom to dance and praise Him, freedom to smile, freedom to know that no matter what He has my life in His hands, and that He holds the future. I don't have to get it all right all the time, I don't have to be everything for everyone, and by no means do I have to have everything figured out. I just have to enjoy each day he gives me on this earth, and strive to make the most of it. I've been reading from the book "Amazing Freedom" it's the Women of Faith devotional book for this years conference. If you can find it, it's a great read, plus I'm in the book with my mom, in a devotional about freedom to face new trials. It talks about my mom's learning to cope with the fact that she is on oxygen 24/7, and how God has been her strength through that. My point is that while it is natural at times to feel overwhelmed and uncertain in life if we can draw near to the heart of Christ we can experience the richness of the freedom He longs for us to have. I by no means get this right majority of the time, but it's something God is teaching me, and an area He is pruning me in.

Dear Lord,
Please help me to draw closer to you and your heart so that I may experience the freedom you desire in my life. I hand to you my worries, my future, my pain, my failures, and I know that you can produce the healing and wholeness I need. Thank you for your wonderful promises. Help me to share of the freedom I've found in you with others not just in mere words Lord, but in how I live my life. Forgive me for the times when I get that so wrong, and thank you for your grace that covers all the weaknesses in me. Amen.

Kari

Seeking God First

2007-08-06T17:45:00.001-07:00

So much has been going on lately that has me wondering where God is leading. I know the thing to do as always is trust Him, and rest on His promise that he is working out everything for my good. Sometimes that can be so hard when we can't see the bigger picture. However, God knows our future, and He has plans for each of us. We must simply wait on His good and perfect timing. If we seek after Him, and find our delight in Him he will provide all we desire and greater than that all we truly need.

"3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;"

Dear God,
In all I do I want to bring you glory. Lord I ask that you help me know you more so that the things I desire and ask for are things that you long for me to have. Lord help me as I wait on you to deliver those things knowing that I can fully trust in you. Thank you for all you have already so generously given.

Your servant,
Kari

Miracle Of the Moment

2007-08-04T20:50:00.000-07:00

Wow! This has been a crazy amazing week. God has shown himself to me so much this week. At work I saw God working through one of my co-workers who I have had the extreme pleasure of talking to about my faith. We have both shared what God has done in our lives and it has been amazing!! On Friday night I went to a praise and worship time at the home of one of the members of the church she attends. It was so great just to let loose and worship the Lord with other believers right in someone's living room. I am truly beginning to see the little miracles of the moment. No matter where you are in life, God is there. The key is learning to see Him in everything. He has a plan for our lives, but isn't about getting to where we are going it's about enjoying the journey. Don't be so busy thinking of the past, or worrying about the future that you miss the things God is blessing you with and showing you in the here and now. God has really shown me that with working at the law firm after having to leave my position as youth director at a church. At first it was easy to think I was taken from ministry, but God has just been showing me a new ministry. Wherever you are you can be used by God to minister to others. We are after all called Christ's ambassadors. He has promised if we seek Him we will find Him. Here are some lyrics from some songs that I've heard recently that really drove this point home:

There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss
The miracle of the moment
Steven Curtis Chapman- Miracle of the Moment

Everything is beautiful
Even when the tears are falling
I don't need a miracle to believe
Even in the crashing down
I can hear redemption calling
And everything is beautiful to me
Starfield- Everything is Beautiful

We are GLORIOUS, because we are His!!!

2007-08-01T14:26:00.000-07:00

So this is yet another post where I'm going to mention a song. I had heard the David Crowder song Everything Glorious but I hadn't really listened to everything carefully until earlier this week. Then the point was driven home as I tried to encourage a friend who said she was waiting for God to do something glorious. In the song it says "You make everything glorious, and I am yours, what does that make me?"

It's easy to let this world, our own thoughts, or are circumstances make us feel less than glorious. However, we are His creation, and so we are reflections of a GLORIOUS God.

captivated

2007-07-23T16:54:00.000-07:00

So lately I've been hearing the song Captivate Us on KSBJ a bunch (and recently bought the cd) and it has really been my heart. While I've been struggling with not currently being in ministry at a church, and having been in a relationship for awhile where I ended up broken once again, God has been continuously drawing me closer to Him. Nothing more do I want than to serve God. So this song has become my prayer:

Your face is beautiful
And Your eyes are like the stars
Your gentle hands have healing
There inside the scars
Your loving arms they draw me near
And Your smile it brings me peace
Draw me closer oh my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee
Captivate us Lord Jesus set our eyes on You
Devastate us with your presence falling down
And rushing river draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus with You

That's only part of the song, and if you haven't heard it I encourage you to find a copy of it. He can heal you in ways you can't comprehend. In the midst of pain and the things you must let go of in life he can bring restoration.